Can’t get no…Sa-tis-fac-tion.

Running on E. I’m feeling it. I’m in need of some supernatural strength…and I’m not talking about steroids.

What happened to being fully satisfied in Him? I don’t know. It went somewhere and it hasn’t come back yet. I guess I’m waiting for a sign or something. But I know I have to keep moving towards…towards what? God. The right answer. Why do the right answers always feel like NOT the right answers?

Anyway, I’m just tired and delirious and reluctant to go outside into the cold because I’m so warm inside. I’m reluctant to go outside and do a lot of things because I’m comfortable where I am…or just so darn used to it. But if I go out today then I will be able to eat at Moe’s and catch up with a couple of cool friends whom I haven’t talked to in a while. It’ll be worth it. I just need strength to get up…get on the bus…walk to the restaurant…eat…walk back…get on the bus…come home. Then some lazing around for a couple of hours. Hmm yes. :]

Side note: Things to do this summer…internships? externships? work?

Rejoice!

So this past week has been a little hectic for me in possibly all aspects of my life…and I’ve been trying really hard to get out of my funk with being lazy and God’s been teaching me this entire week. I’ve sinned, repented, learned, praised, cried, laughed, and did it all over again and then some.

Even in the midst of all the stuff that’s been happening and all the moods I’ve been in, I really just rejoice in the Lord today. And I say that from the bottom of my heart because I am joyful and cheerful even though there are a numerous amount of things that could really put me off my rocker. But that’s such a waste of time…to just sweat the small stuff because I don’t have time for that! I have to move forward and live, ya know?

So while I was driving back home from church today, I was just admiring the beautiful Blacksburg autumn weather and thinking about all the good things God has done. (Oh that was a song we sang at church today…what the random…) And I was thinking about all the things that make me smile…here’s what I came up with…

1. Paying for things with exact change.

2. Sitting in a car that’s really warm on the inside because the sun’s been beating down on it for hours.

3. Seeing people play sports outside.

4. The freaking awesome autumn weather.

5. Hearing a spoken word from someone else that has touched my heart before. Oh and when a favorite praise song of mine is played during worship.

6. Random toddlers who come up to me and say hi.

7. Nice dogs.

8. Sleeping right after a big meal when I feel not too miserably full but fully satisfied.

9. When I haven’t seen someone in a while and we are able to catch up like we’ve never been apart.

Ok, that’s all I got so far. If you read this and thought of something that makes you happy, PLEASE SHARE! Hope this was enjoyable.

Relapse

I was doing so well this week.

But it’s always up and down…this walk of mine. And when I finally start to get back up from my pit stop on the side of the road, I get sidetracked again. And there I am, on the side of the road.

It sucks being weak.

But dang, God was ready for that. He always is…

Dear Friend,

I wasn’t going to write this. Because I didn’t know what to say. I never know what to say.

And I didn’t want to sound dumb. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

But I don’t know what I talk about half the time. And yet, you are still my friend.

So I just want to let you know something. I don’t know how to show it and if I did, I probably wouldn’t show it well. So I will write it.

I care about you so much.

And that even though I don’t know what to say or do or what goes on at any time or how you feel most of the time, I care SO MUCH for you.

And that’s all I have to say. Until next time, friend.

Miss you, Cindy

Humble King

Oh kneel me down again
Here at Your feet
Show me how much You love
Humility

Oh spirit be the star
That leads me to
The humble heart of love
I see in You

Cause You are the God of the broken
The friend of the weak
You wash the feet of the weary
Embrace the ones in need
And I want to be like you Jesus
To have this heart in me
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble King

Selfishness

A lot of times I could really care less…

And what’s worse?

I don’t mind admitting that.

It’s Sunday…the Sabbath?

Sunday…the day of rest…the day of worship.

The two things I have not done today and it’s already 2:40pm.

So I woke up this morning at around 10am…set my alarm to that time so I’d be ready to get up and go to church. I’ve been really excited to go to church for the past week now…I’m getting hungry and it’s been a while since I’ve been fed. So I get up to my alarm…only to turn it off. And I find myself waking up at 11am. SIGH. I don’t even try to go to church late…I just go back to sleep. Then I wake up at 12pm…only to remember that I have to walk Lance and Mack this morning. So I go over hoping that their bladders held and I walk into the living room. CRAP. Literally, crap…everywhere. Well, not everywhere. But a generous amount of it. I panic. No no no no no…I pick it all up with plastic bags and I throw it all away. But there are two spots on the carpet. So I look for stain and odor removal. Can’t find any. AFKSLFSDSK! But it figures that they don’t have it…cause they always take their dogs OUT to go to the bathroom. Stupid stupid stupid. So I make a Kroger run and I’m like walking with super sonic speed through the door and down the aisle with the cleaning supplies. I find some nice remover with OXY in it! YES! I run to the check out and pay and run out the door…walking at my fast pace…I almost knock down a little boy who asks me if I want to buy popcorn and make a small donation. No thank you, I reply as I hear him saying thanks and have a good day. I have a mess to clean up, I tell myself. So I get back and I spray the stains with like 20 squirts of the remover stuff and I have to wait 5 minutes. I decide to take the dogs outside where they both go to the bathroom AGAIN. Freaking high metabolisms…after all the crap I found in the apartment I didn’t think there would be anything left in their bodies. So I go back inside…clean the stains…vacuum the carpet…and wash my hands. Then I see another stain. A pee stain. On the doggy bed in front of the TV. DANGIT! I was going to leave the apartment happy that Sam and Simon would never have to find out about this accident. But there was my snitch. The peed-on doggy bed. YES. This sucks. A lot. Some more squirts and a very sorry text message later, I finally cleaned up the gross mess in the place. Oh, and I fed the fish.

I went home…and now I am here. Tired. Hungry…but not really. My half-eaten burrito from Chipotle is sitting right next to me…half-eaten because as I was eating it I realized what I did this morning and got thoroughly disgusted and lost my appetite. But it’s ok. I’ll just finish it later…

Moral of the story? I don’t know. I just know I need to fix my sleeping schedule.

And that God is still SO good.

Fall Break

It’s fall break…at least, it feels like it even though it’s only Thursday. But I definitely started my break on Sunday…

Blahhhh. And now everyone is going home and I’m going to be here in Blacksburg…catching up on some God time and some homework.

Doesn’t sound too bad if you ask me…I’m actually looking forward to the next four days of quiet solitude…I’ll probably be at Chapel or Torg/Newman…and I welcome the isolation. Need some time away from all this craziness…I’ve definitely been around people A LOT more this semester than last…and I miss alone time.

Wow…I didn’t even realize that I haven’t had alone time in a while.

Bring on the hermitage.

just because Joanne said so and because I’m being worthless right now…

1. Where is your cell phone? in my bedroom on my desk

2. Your hair? brown, wavy, and up in a ponytail…i have to shower…still…

3. Your mother? is crazy…and at work right now

4. Your father? is changing day by day

5. Your favorite food? mashed potatoes…or any potatoes…

6. Your dream last night? very weird…Pastor Kyu and Keira Knightley were in it

7. Your favorite drink? raspberry sweet tea and water

8. Your dream/goal? I don’t know yet…lots of different things…

9. What room are you in? my living room

10. Your hobby? wasting time

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? in another country…preferably India or China

13. Where were you last night? at home

14. Something that you aren’t? tall

15. Muffins? banana nut

16. Wish list item? black thin tooth comb

17. Where did you grow up? virginia beach/chesapeake

18. Last thing you did? drink some hot chocolate

19. What are you wearing? sweatpants and sweatshirt

20. Your TV? on USA network…law&Order: SVU is on

21. Your pets? don’t have any…

22. Friends? are wonderful

23. Your life? goes on

24. Your mood? moody…that time of the month…I keep telling people this…I hope they don’t mind.

25. Missing someone? pride aside…yes…I should call them…

26. Vehicle? freshmen’s car hahaha

27. Something you’re not wearing? socks

28. Your favorite store? grocery stores

29. Your favorite color? blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? 5 minutes ago

31. Last time you cried? Sunday

32. Your best friend? in her bedroom

33. One place that I go to over and over? Kevin’s apt…

34. One person who emails me regularly? stupid head of the Biochemistry dept…

35. Favorite place to eat? depends on who I eat with

Thanks Joanne for making me do this…hahaha jk…I love doing these…………

I hope this works…

Blah…so I tried to write a post earlier today about something that was on my mind…but wordpress refused to cooperate…stupid internet.

So I’m here…attempt number…however many times I tried today and failed. But today is a new day…with a new thought. Whatever.

And I’m sitting on my floor in my hot bedroom. We found this tiny heater in the hallway closet and I’m using it at the moment…my room is so hot right now hahaha…but I’m sitting here…kind of wondering what I’m still doing up. Oh yea, I remember now. My sleeping schedule got messed up. No no no…it’s not even 2am and I feel like the weird, ominous thoughts are creeping up on me already.

I was looking at pictures on facebook today…from Heidi Baker’s fanpage. I feel like this thought of What am I doing with my life? is reoccurring in my head…more so than I’d like.

God, I need to sleep.