Oh Crappy Day…

So today was the crappiest day of my year so far…it just went all wrong.

I fell asleep at 1am and woke up at 6am to write a paper on a subject I had no idea about. Then I tried to print out my assignments and tried fixing my printer for 20 minutes to no avail and had to resort to going to the library AGAIN to print out my crap. I went to class, tired and unshowered, and received a text from Joanne that said that she couldn’t watch “New Moon” with me this Friday because she had to go home. So I was really sad (don’t worry Joanne I’m not upset with you!).

Then class started and we had workshops today. So we went around talking about the fiction pieces that we wrote the past week. I had all my criticisms of everyone else’s stories so it was all good. Then when it was my turn, one of the girls in my group flat out told me that she didn’t like my story. What’s worse is she  just handed me my criticism and left it at that.

After the longest class period ever, I went to my second class, where we got out 30 minutes early because of the holidays. Normally I would’ve been happy about that but I had a conference with one of my professors in 45 minutes so I had to find a way to kill time. So I went to Haem’s place and had some pretty darn good fudgy cookies. But I was so relaxed at her apt that I didn’t want to go out. But I went to Shanks and got to my professor’s room on time…to see that he was still talking to another student. So I waited outside his room for 15 minutes. Finally, got in and we talked and he had some very helpful suggestions about my pieces. And he did enjoy them! So that was nice.

Then I went home…still kind of upset about the small stupid things that had occurred that morning. I got home and I didn’t know what to do. So I made lunch…and ended up eating at 4pm because the meat took so long to cook. Then afterwards I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Then I took a nap…still unshowered.

I got up after two hours and felt so groggy. I immediately took a shower and hopped online. I was planning on watching the Leonids meteor shower tonight but it turns out the peak night was LAST night…so I missed it. And it was supposedly awesome. I thought I could still try and go star gazing tonight but it’s cloudy out and I have no one to go with because Kevin is so busy today.

I wanted to talk to him all day but I avoided calling him because I didn’t want to tell him about my day because I was so upset. So when I talked to him online I figured I would stop being immature and just let him know how my day went when he asked…but he was doing hw. So I decided not to bother him…but that was the only free time he had. Now I can’t talk to him for the rest of the night…and I don’t want to bother him with my dumb emotions.

After that I hung out with Jennifer a little bit…which was fun. But then she left to go to a football game. So now I’m alone. Except for Alex Kang. He’s here…in the living room watching TV. And we’re waiting because no one is here for pm meeting yet. People are 15 minutes late.

So that was my crappy day…and the only way I was able to get through it without breaking down and crying was because I kept telling myself, “You are loved by God, the God of the universe, so it’s ok.” I’m dead serious. Sigh. Even though, inside I still felt like a loser.

Anyway, I have a meeting to go to now…in my living room. I still feel blah…but I’m loved by God…so it’s ok.

Ownage.

Galatians 5:22-26

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us KEEP IN STEP with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”

I read this yesterday…and then proceeded to get spiritually SMACKED in the face.

Who am I? No, really. It’s like in The Lion King when Simba receives that vision where Mufasa is like “remember who you are…”

I may live in the world but I’m not of the world, nam sayin?? Sigh. Cynthia, remember who you are.

who’s it gonna be…who’s it gonna be??

So today we had elections for the upcoming officers of 2009-2010.

And guess who got elected???

Yea…go figure. Except all week I had this weird fear that I was going to not be voted for…and it took a couple of days to realize that I wanted to keep my pride from being broken. And God knows my pride needs to be SHATTERED.

But I was in the shower and I had a revelation…sort of. That no matter what happened, I wanted ultimately God to be glorified in wherever He placed me…oh, and that I needed to stop limiting His might and power. He chose the five of us new officers for a reason…that reason being the position of our hearts. We strive for His desires before ours…so why wouldn’t we want to be used by Him? And when we ask for HIM to use US…He wants uses EVERY LAST BIT of us. We gotta go ALL IN. Seriously.

So now, I’m just going to wait…and seek…and wait some more…and seek some more…and hope that along the way my faith will be strengthened in Him. Because I am very curious now as to what God’s going to be teaching me this upcoming year. Let’s prepare ourselves!

Stupefied…

stupefy – to overwhelm with amazement; astound; astonish

That’s how I feel…even now, three days after the conference. Man, that was a crazy experience.

And I am, yet again, reminded that knowing and feeling is completely different.

Oh the realness of our God…GOD. IS. REAL.

Yea, I’m still beyond words.

Can’t get no…Sa-tis-fac-tion.

Running on E. I’m feeling it. I’m in need of some supernatural strength…and I’m not talking about steroids.

What happened to being fully satisfied in Him? I don’t know. It went somewhere and it hasn’t come back yet. I guess I’m waiting for a sign or something. But I know I have to keep moving towards…towards what? God. The right answer. Why do the right answers always feel like NOT the right answers?

Anyway, I’m just tired and delirious and reluctant to go outside into the cold because I’m so warm inside. I’m reluctant to go outside and do a lot of things because I’m comfortable where I am…or just so darn used to it. But if I go out today then I will be able to eat at Moe’s and catch up with a couple of cool friends whom I haven’t talked to in a while. It’ll be worth it. I just need strength to get up…get on the bus…walk to the restaurant…eat…walk back…get on the bus…come home. Then some lazing around for a couple of hours. Hmm yes. :]

Side note: Things to do this summer…internships? externships? work?

Rejoice!

So this past week has been a little hectic for me in possibly all aspects of my life…and I’ve been trying really hard to get out of my funk with being lazy and God’s been teaching me this entire week. I’ve sinned, repented, learned, praised, cried, laughed, and did it all over again and then some.

Even in the midst of all the stuff that’s been happening and all the moods I’ve been in, I really just rejoice in the Lord today. And I say that from the bottom of my heart because I am joyful and cheerful even though there are a numerous amount of things that could really put me off my rocker. But that’s such a waste of time…to just sweat the small stuff because I don’t have time for that! I have to move forward and live, ya know?

So while I was driving back home from church today, I was just admiring the beautiful Blacksburg autumn weather and thinking about all the good things God has done. (Oh that was a song we sang at church today…what the random…) And I was thinking about all the things that make me smile…here’s what I came up with…

1. Paying for things with exact change.

2. Sitting in a car that’s really warm on the inside because the sun’s been beating down on it for hours.

3. Seeing people play sports outside.

4. The freaking awesome autumn weather.

5. Hearing a spoken word from someone else that has touched my heart before. Oh and when a favorite praise song of mine is played during worship.

6. Random toddlers who come up to me and say hi.

7. Nice dogs.

8. Sleeping right after a big meal when I feel not too miserably full but fully satisfied.

9. When I haven’t seen someone in a while and we are able to catch up like we’ve never been apart.

Ok, that’s all I got so far. If you read this and thought of something that makes you happy, PLEASE SHARE! Hope this was enjoyable.

Relapse

I was doing so well this week.

But it’s always up and down…this walk of mine. And when I finally start to get back up from my pit stop on the side of the road, I get sidetracked again. And there I am, on the side of the road.

It sucks being weak.

But dang, God was ready for that. He always is…

Dear Friend,

I wasn’t going to write this. Because I didn’t know what to say. I never know what to say.

And I didn’t want to sound dumb. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

But I don’t know what I talk about half the time. And yet, you are still my friend.

So I just want to let you know something. I don’t know how to show it and if I did, I probably wouldn’t show it well. So I will write it.

I care about you so much.

And that even though I don’t know what to say or do or what goes on at any time or how you feel most of the time, I care SO MUCH for you.

And that’s all I have to say. Until next time, friend.

Miss you, Cindy

Humble King

Oh kneel me down again
Here at Your feet
Show me how much You love
Humility

Oh spirit be the star
That leads me to
The humble heart of love
I see in You

Cause You are the God of the broken
The friend of the weak
You wash the feet of the weary
Embrace the ones in need
And I want to be like you Jesus
To have this heart in me
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble King

Selfishness

A lot of times I could really care less…

And what’s worse?

I don’t mind admitting that.