i’m on a journey of finding. i think that’s the best way i can explain where i feel i am at the moment. and it’s not really a pit-stop, where i’m chewing on one thing or a couple of things. i’m just moving forward, like a sponge absorbing anything it comes in contact with, and still moving along. it’s very overwhelming.
because in my little heart, i desire to find the depths of God. i want to know the truths that permeate from his very being and i want them to strike my spirit and from there see life spring forth.
i want to be free in intimacy and free out of that place of intimacy. and i’m so hungry for it.
where do i fit? who am i? where do i go and from where can i come up for air to breathe?
my longings need more than an answer that i’ve been conditioned to say on cue. deep from within me must come a spirit-grumbling and groaning that crys out for the Abba, the I AM, the sustainer and lover of all things, the worthy one who humbles himself and lowers himself to breathe on me. he breathes on me… and then I MOVE.
reflections? resolutions? i haven’t taken a moment to think about the past or the future. i am in the present and it’s a foreign place to be in… i feel awkward. and everything i am walking through, it’s all really new and foreign. these are places in my heart that have never been touched before. places that have never COME ALIVE before! how can that be?!
and Jesus and i are walking through and letting his light shine on all that is still dead.. and all the ways that i knew to brace myself with for what i would see… well, those ways i can’t use in these places. there is really no “best way to brace yourself” this time. there can’t be! this is a new territory..
at the same time, i feel these descriptions are but a faint way of even beginning to explain what’s going on in my heart. trust me, there’s a whole lot more of which i’m not even aware. but i will trust. i am trusting in my beloved.
i am the shulamite in the song of songs! and my beloved has come for me, to take me where he is going.
and i will come up from the wilderness leaning upon his breast.
